Sometimes, we find ourselves standing in front of a mirror that doesn't belong to us. We look into it, trying to see our worth, our progress, or our beauty, only to realize the glass is distorted by someone else's narrow perspective. Ta-Nehisi Coates offers us a profound truth when he reminds us that the people who must cling to a specific, rigid identity as their standard of value can never truly serve as our measuring stick. It is a call to stop seeking validation from systems or individuals whose very foundation is built on exclusion and a refusal to see the fullness of who you are.
In our everyday lives, this often shows up in much smaller, but equally painful, ways. We might find ourselves performing for a group of friends, a demanding boss, or even a social media following, trying to mold our personalities to fit a standard that feels hollow. We start to measure our successes by how well we conform to a mold that wasn't made for us. It is exhausting to live a life where your value is determined by how closely you mimic a standard that inherently denies your unique magic.
I remember a time when I felt like I was constantly failing a test I never signed up to take. I was trying so hard to be the version of myself that everyone else found 'acceptable' and 'easy' to understand. I was looking to people who didn't even understand their own worth to tell me if I was doing a good job. It felt like trying to measure the depth of the ocean with a tiny, broken ruler. It wasn't until I stopped looking at their yardstick and started looking at my own heart that I realized the measurement was always wrong from the start.
When we stop using biased, limited perspectives to judge our growth, we reclaim our power. You are not a mistake, and you are not a deviation from someone else's norm. You are a whole, complex, and beautiful human being. The only way to truly find your scale is to discard the broken ones held by those who cannot see your light.
Today, I want to encourage you to take a deep breath and let go of one standard you've been trying to meet. Ask yourself: whose yardstick am I using right now? If it feels heavy or unkind, give yourself permission to set it down and find a more compassionate way to measure your journey.