Sometimes, we try to build these invisible walls around our hearts, thinking that if we stay guarded, the pain of the world won't be able to reach us. We tell ourselves that we can witness sadness, or experience our own deep losses, and emerge completely unchanged, as if we are made of stone rather than flesh and blood. But Rachel Naomi Remen reminds us of a profound truth: it is simply impossible to walk through the fire of suffering and not carry a few embers with us. To be human is to be permeable, to let the world seep into our very being, for better or for worse.

In our daily lives, we often see this when someone tries to be 'strong' by pretending they aren't affected by a friend's tragedy or a difficult season in their own life. We think that being resilient means being unaffected, but true resilience is actually about the courage to be moved. When we witness a loss, our empathy pulls us into that space. We feel the heaviness in our chests and the sting in our eyes. This isn't a weakness or a failure of our strength; it is the very mechanism that allows us to connect with others. If we weren't touched by the pain of others, we wouldn't be able to offer them the warmth of our compassion either.

I remember a time when I was trying so hard to be the 'brave' friend for someone going through a massive life change. I kept my voice steady and my face composed, thinking I was helping by not letting my emotions show. But deep down, I felt a profound ache. I realized that by trying to remain untouched, I was actually distancing myself from the person I loved. It wasn't until I allowed myself to sit in that shared sadness, letting my own heart feel the weight of their loss, that a real connection was made. My tears didn't make me less capable of helping; they made me a safe harbor for them.

It is okay to be changed by what you go through. It is okay to carry the marks of your grief and the echoes of your losses. These marks are not scars of defeat, but symbols of your capacity to care. When you feel the weight of the world pressing against your heart, don't pull away in fear. Instead, try to lean into that feeling. Ask yourself how this shared experience is shaping your capacity for kindness. Allow yourself to be moved, for it is in that very movement that we find our most beautiful, human connection.