“Self-esteem is made up primarily of two things: feeling lovable and feeling capable.”
Know that you're lovable and capable. That's the key to self-esteem.
Sometimes, when we look in the mirror, we aren't just looking at our reflection; we are searching for proof of our own worth. Jack Canfield’s beautiful insight reminds us that our self-esteem isn't some mysterious, unchangeable force. Instead, it is built on two very human pillars: the quiet comfort of feeling lovable and the steady confidence of feeling capable. When these two things are in balance, we feel anchored in the world, even when the winds of life get a little bit stormy.
Think about those days when everything feels heavy. You might feel like you've failed at a task at work, which shakes your sense of capability. Or, you might feel disconnected from your friends, which makes you doubt your lovability. It is so easy to let one side crumble and assume the whole structure of our self-worth is falling down. But the magic happens when we realize we can nurture both parts separately. We can learn new skills to feel more capable, and we can practice being kinder to ourselves to feel more lovable.
I remember a time when I felt quite small, much like a little duckling lost in a big pond. I had tried to start a new creative project and failed miserably on the first attempt. My sense of capability was bruised, and because I was being so hard on myself, I didn't feel very lovable either. I stayed in my nest, hiding from the world. It wasn't until I reached out to a dear friend for a simple hug and a listening ear that I realized my lovability hadn't changed just because my skills were still developing. That small moment of connection gave me the warmth I needed to try again.
As you move through your week, I want you to check in with these two pillars. Are you being too hard on your abilities, or are you forgetting to treat yourself with the affection you deserve? You don't have to be perfect to be worthy of love, and you don't have to be an expert to be capable of growth. Take a moment today to acknowledge one thing you did well and one reason why you are a wonderful person to be around. You are doing much better than you think you are.