Sometimes, life throws us things that simply cannot be avoided. A sudden loss, a physical injury, or a broken heart are all heavy, unavoidable weights that we must carry. When Haruki Murakami says that pain is inevitable but suffering is optional, he is inviting us to look at the space between what happens to us and how we respond to it. Pain is the raw, stinging reality of a difficult moment, but suffering is the extra layer of heavy, circular thinking that keeps us trapped in that moment long after it has passed.

I think about this often when I see my friends going through tough transitions. There is a difference between feeling the sting of a mistake and then spending weeks or even months replaying that mistake in your head, punishing yourself over and over. The initial sting is the pain, but the self-criticism and the refusal to move forward is where the suffering begins. It is like a small scratch on your wing that heals quickly, versus picking at the wound until it becomes something much more difficult to manage.

I remember a time when I felt like I had failed a big project I had worked so hard on. The disappointment was immediate and sharp; that was the inevitable pain of unmet expectations. However, I spent the next several days telling myself that I was incompetent and that I would never succeed again. I was choosing to suffer by building a narrative of defeat around a single moment of struggle. It took me a long time to realize that I could acknowledge the disappointment without letting it turn into a permanent identity.

We can acknowledge that things hurt without letting the hurt define our entire existence. We can sit with the sadness, let the tears fall, and honor the difficulty of the situation, while simultaneously deciding not to let the bitterness take root. It is a delicate balance, but it is one that allows us to keep breathing even when the world feels heavy.

Today, I want to encourage you to check in with your own heart. If you are feeling a sharp pain right now, please be gentle with yourself. Acknowledge that it hurts, but try to notice if you are adding extra weight to that pain with harsh thoughts. Can you find a way to let the pain exist without letting it turn into a cycle of suffering?