Have you ever found yourself caught in a loop of critiquing someone else's choices? It is so easy to sit back and point out the flaws in how a neighbor drives, how a colleague manages their time, or even how a friend handles a difficult situation. Mother Teresa’s beautiful words remind us that judging and loving are two activities that simply cannot occupy the same space in our hearts. When we focus our energy on finding fault, we inadvertently build a wall between ourselves and the warmth of true connection. Judging is a defensive mechanism, a way to feel superior, but it ultimately leaves us feeling isolated and cold.
In our everyday lives, this often shows up in much smaller, quieter ways. We might find ourselves scrolling through social media, mentally tallying up the mistakes of strangers or feeling a twinge of disapproval toward a friend's new lifestyle. Every moment spent calculating why someone else is wrong is a moment stolen from the opportunity to understand their journey. Love requires an open, vulnerable, and curious spirit. It asks us to look past the surface and see the human being underneath the behavior, which is a much more demanding—but infinitely more rewarding—task than simple criticism.
I remember a time when I was feeling particularly grumpy and judgmental toward a fellow duck in my neighborhood. They were making a lot of noise while I was trying to nap, and I spent the entire afternoon composing a mental list of all the ways they were being inconsiderate. I was so wrapped up in my own frustration that I didn't even notice they were actually struggling to build a nest for their new hatchlings. If I had stopped judging their noise and instead approached them with a bit of kindness, I might have offered a helping hand instead of a heavy heart. It is a humbling reminder that our perspective is often just one tiny piece of a much larger story.
As you move through your day, I want to encourage you to catch those judgmental thoughts as they arise. When you feel that familiar urge to critique, try to pause and replace that judgment with a simple, curious question. Instead of asking why they are doing that, ask yourself what they might be going through. Let's try to clear some space in our busy lives for more empathy and less evaluation. There is so much more room for joy when we stop being the jury and start being the healers.