There is a beautiful, quiet strength in the words of bell hooks. To many, being alone feels like a void to be filled or a problem to be solved, but this quote suggests that solitude is actually a skill we must cultivate. It tells us that true intimacy isn't about finding someone to rescue us from our own company, but about arriving at a relationship as a whole, complete person. When we learn to sit comfortably with our own thoughts, our connections with others transform from desperate needs into genuine, shared joys.
In our fast-paced, hyper-connected world, it is so easy to use people as distractions. We scroll through social media to avoid feeling lonely, or we cling to a partner because the silence of an empty house feels too heavy to bear. When we do this, we aren't really seeing the other person; we are simply using them as a shield against our own inner stillness. It turns relationships into a form of escapism rather than a way to truly witness one another.
I remember a time when I felt a deep sense of panic whenever I had to spend a weekend by myself. I would constantly reach for my phone, text friends just to feel a ping of validation, or fill my schedule with so many errands that I wouldn't have a single moment to breathe. I was terrified of what I might hear if it got too quiet. But as I started practicing small moments of intentional solitude—just sitting with a cup of tea and watching the birds in the garden—I realized that the silence wasn't an enemy. It was a space where I could finally meet myself. Once I stopped running from my own company, I found I could show up for my friends with much more presence and much less expectation.
Learning to be solitary is a journey of self-discovery that makes every hug, every conversation, and every shared laugh much more meaningful. It allows us to love from a place of abundance rather than a place of lack. As you move through your week, I invite you to find just ten minutes of intentional stillness. Don't try to fix anything or plan anything; just exist in your own company and see what beautiful things emerge from the quiet.